Adventures In The Out

Yeah, I know I said I’d update last week, but something ate my Wednesday and I was all discombobulated after that. Tempus fugit, whatever. Don’t play like you don’t know.

Actually, the only update I have on the car cookies is this meme from the very same husband of my daughter’s BFF. He’s a crazy mo-fo, but I say that with all the love in my heart. Because I love me a crazy mo-fo.

Evidence:

E. Ryan Carr made this. And they call ME the crazy one!

I’m still laughing. Just. So. Hilarious.

And actually, I am seriously contemplating these next:

I really am thinking about it, when I get a hot minute. Heh. See what I did there?

Last week turned out to be an Errand Frenzy, and you all know how much I love going into the Out. Here are some highlights from my Facebook posts:

Getting new shoes for the Bitchmobile. It hurts. Gonna be a long hour and I hate how they try to talk you into extra shit because you have a vagina. I had to show my balls. Now I feel like throwing up. Especially when they tried to tell me the amount due was $100 more than they quoted me yesterday and tried to sell me an additional service I don’t need. Unfortunately for them, this isn’t my first day at the rodeo and therefore, I walked out with what I wanted at the price I wanted and WHAT’S MY NAME? That’s right, bitches.

All righty then. Phase I of errand day is complete and while waiting at the tire place, I actually outlined the Intro Mod of my Secret Project and quite pleased about that. Now to the Ninth Level of Hell, aka “Walmart”. Anything after that is going to be anti-climatic.

So, made it out of Walmart with no casualties, but only because I don’t have a flamethrower. Oh, and elderly lady at the pharmacy counter? The only reason I didn’t take you down is because I’m almost old and will (hopefully) be elderly like you, someday. Otherwise, the fact you not only picked up your ‘scripts but also checked out your full cart of ginger ale, Depends, baked beans, cat litter, and Imodium making me wait in line for twenty fucking minutes would have meant bruises if not downright broken bones. P.S. Cut back on the ginger ale and the baked beans and you won’t need the Depends and Imodium. Just a thought.

Lunch. Then back into the Out for Phase III. This time it will be Goodwill and some doodads. I’m gearing up for Phase IV which will include the Post Office. There’s a possibility someone could die today. I can guarantee it will not be me.

Phase IV of Errand Day has been cancelled due to a borked air conditioner in my car. This is what I get for having bad thoughts about the old lady in Walmart, although the thoughts still stand. A big thank you to Jeremy at PetCo for helping me psychoanalyze Athena and directions on how to woo her. Plus a pheromone collar designed to calm her ass down. Hah. If this is a day off I don’t want another one because I am beat.

And this is why I try to stay away from the Out. Unfortunately, I was unable to finish the mission in one day, which is really what I wanted to do to minimize the Out Experience, which led to this:

Phase IV about to commence. Hopefully not as intense and much shorter then yesterday’s operations because my back is killing me today. Thank you, Grandmother, for the spinal stenosis. It says a lot to say it was the nicest thing she ever did for me, but I ain’t mad. I’ll get it done.

P.S. The drug collar seems to be working for Athena. Praise the Mighty Flying Spaghetti Monster. Unless I come home and find she’s peed on my bed.

I did not know it was possible to sweat from this many crevices. I did not know I HAD these many crevices.

I would have been done by now but I decided to chop off my hair.

Stopped home to rehydrate — two more itty bitty errands and I’m to review a Scoundrel. Excited to pick up my framed poster of the cover of “Rolling Sixes” by Mitch Davis, who surprised me with it. 🙂 I have the BEST clients. For now, I’m going to catch my breath a little and cool off. Jeezum, I should have put a roast in the car today.

Fuck summer. Yeah. I said it.

So, first the poster Mitch Davis sent me of the cover of his soon-to-be-released novel, “Rolling Sixes” (SO. EXCITED!)

Is this not amazeballs or what?

And then the haircut:

My best side.

Hopefully I won’t have to go into the Out for at least a month, but I’m afraid I’ll have to hit it again long before that. My downfall? Cat treats. I’m counting them out very carefully to make them last as long as possible, but without cat treats I’m doomed. Athena will kill me in my sleep or pee on my bed. I’m hard-pressed to tell you which one would be worse.

Bad planning on my part. *sigh*

****

So, that was my week. Coming up I have a lot of editing work, the Secret Project to complete, and maybe meat muffins to bake in my car. YAY!

What’s going on with you?

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5 thoughts on “Adventures In The Out

  1. HI Netta!
    Gosh, you are crazy busy, but please make those muffin burgers in your car. You will only sort of have to go OUT for that!
    I’m well, promoting my book and telling the world about my wonderful editor (hehe).
    Tomorrow it goes up to 37 celsius or 200 Fahrenheit…hmm, close to it anyway. LOVE IT!

    xox
    eden

    • You know at some point I’ll have to make the meat muffins. Although I’m scared. Heh.

      You are one crazy-busy woman yourself! Of course, congratulations on Spring Into Summer — so proud of you 🙂

      Man, I just want it to be October already. Seriously. Tired of living in Satan’s butt cheeks.

      xoxoxoxo

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