Well, the last couple of months have been quite a ride for me. Could you make this stuff up? Momma dies, family drama and financial hardship, pregnant daughter and a high risk pregnancy, more family drama, separation from loved ones, blah blah blah.
It all pales in comparison to a new baby. Mama, MackDaddy and Muffin are all doing very well, thank the Universe. It was a rough haul, but most of it fades when you’re holding a brand-new baby, complete with New Baby Fragrance, soft skin, and innocent eyes. He is very beautiful.
Through most of her pregnancy, little Mama and I lived 300 miles apart, and this was difficult for us. We’re very close. Thanks to technology, we kept in daily touch via cell phone, chat programs and email, and blogging.
Every Sunday night, I’d write a letter to my Muffin and post it on my personal blog. (The nickname started out as a joke — when little Mama told me she was pregnant, she told me he was the size of a blueberry, and that morphed into muffins….well, you see how I got there, right?) Anyway, I’d write a letter to Muffin every week (more or less, I did miss a few) and she’d read the letter aloud to Muffin and MackDaddy. We now have a collection of Letters to Muffin, and that’s something he’ll always have from me, written from the heart. Once a week, a letter just for him.
I told him stories (there’s one about Marvin the Monkey and the Magic Lawn) and I tried to express to him how much he meant to all of us. When I wrote those letters, it was as if we were just sitting in a room, the two of us, and I was whispering in his ear. It was great therapy, and I think it contributed to forging a bond between the two of us we might not have had otherwise.
It’s fun being a Noni, although the very concept is buggin’ me up. It seems like just ten minutes ago I was nineteen…I don’t know where the time has gone. A grandma? ME? Are you kidding me? I’m not old enough to be a grandma! That would make me…like…OLD.
Since my mother’s passing, I have come to realize just how much blogging has meant to me and my family. I visit my momma’s blog regularly, especially when I am missing her the most. I can’t tell you what a comfort it is to me — it’s almost like she’s still with me, like we can still have a conversation, like she’s just a touch away. I’m hoping that my blogging and my letters to Muffin will afford the same comfort when I transition over as my mother’s blog has to me.
I didn’t think of this aspect when I started blogging. At first, it was just a venting mechanism, but it’s changed into something else. Something important. I see now it’s a kind of legacy, and through my words and stories, hopefully my children and grandchildren will know me better. And who knows, maybe further down the line, my descendants will know me for more than a wrinkled up old ancestor. They’ll know me as a real, thinking, feeling person and not just as a name on the family tree.
I like that thought.