Once Upon A Time…

No, I’m not about to tell you a story. Sorry. What I am about to do is dissect one of my favorite television shows and bitch about what’s going on.

If you haven’t caught it yet, it’s called Once Upon A Time and it airs on ABC. If you are otherwise involved in things like a real life, Hulu offers the episodes after they air.

Why is Rumple in the back? That's just not right.

As the title suggests, the show is about a town called Storybrooke which has been under the evil spell of an evil queen for a long time. All the fairy tales you know and love have been twisted around to great effect, geared more toward the Grimm side of things rather than the pablum Disney has turned such fairy tales into.


Of course, this is right up my alley, since I have taken great significant literary license with Greek mythology in Athena’s Promise, plus I play with the mythos of a lot of different tales. How fun!

The star of OUAT, to me, is Robert Carlyle, who plays Rumplestiltskin/Mr. Gold, a totally complex character for which I feel empathy, disgust, anger, and sympathy, sometimes all in one episode. And, I admit, a certain amount of attraction. Be that as it may, and as much as I’m a fan of the show as a whole, there is one part of the story line which really irritates me.

I know he's a bad boy. Why do you think I have such a crush?!

The series starts out by telling the story of Snow White and Prince Charming. Snow is depicted as an outlaw on the lam from the Evil Queen (and holy SHIT, is this chick evil!) and how she meets Prince Charming. Snow is independent, strong-willed, and really good at kicking ass. You know me — I am all for that. However, as the series has progressed Snow White’s alter-ego (Mary Margaret, can you stand it?) in the present-day setting is a mealy-mouthed, weak-willed, love-struck wuss, and it’s getting to the point I want to punch her deep in the throat. Not to mention Prince Charming (named David in the present-day setting) who is a sneaky, conniving, COWARD.

What makes this so complicated is Prince Charming and Snow White are actually married in Storybrooke, but in present-day it appears Prince Charming/David is married to someone else. Therefore, when he and Snow/MM creep because they’re so in love they can’t stay away from each other, they are both under the impression PC/David is cheating on his wife. This is part of the dark curse of Storybrooke initiated by the Evil Queen (omg, what a bitch, or have I said that already?).

She's gorgeous. But this woman is nothing but a hot mess.

I’m going to give the writers the benefit of the doubt and trust they have an overall story arc and a damned good reason they turned Snow into a Disney bitch. Because to be honest, despite their cursed romantical clusterfuck in which she and her cowardly and morally disturbing Prince find themselves, today’s Mary Margaret is a far cry from yesterday’s Snow White.

I want THIS Snow back. NOW.

You can blame the curse. Fine. I get that. But where is the Snow who originally told the Prince to stick it up his ass? Because I really liked that part. Heh.

The show is in terrible danger of jumping the shark. Some would say TOO LATE, the shark has jumped and danced its way off the stage. Because I am secretly in love with Rumple, I will give it a chance to get back on track, but it’s a struggle.

As you might have surmised, I am not a fan of Disney movies and how females are depicted. I feel although the movies are fun and all that crap, they really set up unrealistic expectations for young people. The girls think the major goal is to be rescued by a rich prince, and boys are led to believe they have to be rich and rescue beautiful girls.

I’d much rather girls are raised knowing they don’t need a prince; if they need to be rescued they are perfectly capable of rescuing themselves. Or the boys, if they need it. I want boys to know their princesses are more than able to stand on their own two feet and stand beside them, instead of needing so much maintenance and upkeep. And makeup.

ABC better get with the program. Sure, it’s just a silly show about silly fairy tales, but are they so silly when the message coming across is “love turns you into a mindless, morally dubious idiot”? Gah.

I’ll hang in there and hope for the best. At least I have Rumple.