Rants of a Random Nature

Well, you know me. A week isn’t complete unless I have a burr up my ass about something. I don’t even try to fight it anymore. I embrace my Inner Bitch, and the truth is, if I don’t let her out for some air she causes diarrhea, skin rashes and heart palpitations. It’s ugly.

And then I experience the urge to rip and tear. Which could get me arrested.

First of all, although I covered my feelings about marketing here, much to my relief I’m not the only one. Eden Baylee has also covered the subject especially how it applies to Twitter. You might even remember this blog post from a little while back.

Jeezum fecking cheeto, some people just don’t get it.

Of course, I understand I’m probably preaching to the choir here, and the people who really need to read posts like this are paying absolutely no attention to my foot-stomping, hair-pulling hissy fit. So be it.

Now knock it off before I have a rupture!

On to the next burr up my ass. I know you can’t wait.


You know who you are.

Oh, this is too DIFFICULT! It’s so HAAAAAAAAARD! I’m working my fingers to the bone, typing my deathless literature, and I’m so UNDERAPPRECIATED! My book isn’t selling, I don’t know what to do, Twitter sucks, Facebook sucks, Google+ sucks, it all sucks and it doesn’t work! Why can’t I sell material like Konrath or Hocking? ‘Cuz my stuff is just as good, NO! IT’S BETTER! My mother said so! I’m not doing this anymore! I’m taking my ball and I’M GOING HOME!


Okay, now before I come across as some stone-cold bitch who never feels the same way, I do understand whining and crying and I do a fair amount of this myself. Yes, I sure do. And if you’re feeling as if you just can’t take the writing life one more minute and you want to quit, then take your frikken’ frackin’ ball and go home. Go on. Buh-bye. Please know I say this to you with all the love in my heart, but enough is enough.

However, if you are serious about this business, truly hooked through the nose by the drug of words, you’ll be back. Here are some suggestions on getting through the temporary urge to apply a flamethrower to your home office and take up yak-raising.

This is a yak. Notice the horns. Might be more dangerous than writing.

1. Try not to whine and cry in public (like on your blog. Or endless and irritating Tweets and FB updates). Oh, go ahead and impose upon your long-suffering friends and family, but you should probably go light on that, too. Why? Because you’re going to look like a real fool when you come crawling back. Plus, they’ve probably heard it too many times already and are likely on the edge of stabbing you in the liver with sporks. (Don’t ask me how I know this.)

2. If you just HAVE to get it out, then write it out. No one has to see it but you, but once you cough up that hairball you’ll probably feel better. Plus, you can read over all the melodramatic posturing at a later date (when you’re rich and successful) and laugh at what a Drama Queen you were.

3. Just like you would invest in any business, invest in your book. Yes, I know things are tight financially, who you telling? But do whatever it takes — barter, negotiate, learn the skills yourself — to make your book the best and most professional it can be. This means cover art, formatting and EDITING.

4. SHUT. THE FUCK UP. AND WRITE. The best way to market your work is to write the next book already! Why are you wasting valuable time obsessing over sales reports, social media sites and how many units you are moving? I know you have to do a certain amount of marketing and promotion, but the best thing you can do is just put your head down and write the next book…and the next…and the next. You get the point. Konrath and Hocking have a TON of material out there — what do you have? Get with the program.

There is a total misconception out there that the writing life is easy, glamorous and the ticket to fame, fortune and naked minions. It’s not the writing which is difficult if you are willing to put in the time and the work, it’s the business of writing which can be VERY difficult if you’re planning on doing it for a living. NEWSFLASH: You’re going to have to work. You’re going to have to expand your horizons and learn a wide variety of skills. You’re going to have to rid yourself of the misguided notion that this shit is easy and anyone can do it. Because that is not the case.

But most of all, you’re going to have to sit your ass in a chair, quit that infernal WHINING and WRITE.

This is the only "wine" I want to hear out of you. Now go write.