Tending A Social Media Garden

I love social media. Maybe it has something to do with the fact I work as a freelancer from home and I seldom venture into the Out among people without a good reason. I guess you could say I’ve become somewhat of a hermit.

Some might also call me crabby. But not to my face.

Of course, even though NOW I spend most of my time locked away working from home, I have worked with the public for many, many years. You could say too many. (Go ahead. I’ll let you.) While some people may say social media is not really a reflection of “real life” (whatever the hell THAT is) I have to disagree. In social media, you will find a microcosm of what’s on the outside of the walls. It is amazing to me not only the diversity of people, but how social media exposes you to different cultures, ways of thinking and opinions. It’s glorious.

But what brings me here today is not to extol the virtues of social media and how fabulous it is. Because there are people who have no right to be anywhere near a social media platform. People who should really check theyself before they wreck theyself.

You know who I mean. Don’t play.

The great things about social media I really love besides the exposure to the Unique, Unusual and Just Plain Fucked Up is the ability to weed the annoying behaviors from my feeds. Oh, how I wish it were that easy outside of social media — but I digress.

In social media, I want my garden nice and peaceful.

This is my imaginary garden tended by imaginary naked minions. They do a great job, don't they?

That’s not to say I exclude everyone who may have a different opinion than mine — that would be egotistical and detrimental to the whole point of social media. I appreciate a pungent and tangy exchange from time to time, and I look to expand my horizons, not limit them. With that being said, I have to draw the line when someone is really behaving like a buttmunching ignoramus. When my blood pressure starts to hit the roof, I’m out.

Oh hell, no. I'm not going to let you put me here. I have family members who can do that.

The other type of personality on social media that really dances on my last nerve are the salespeople. The ones who are constantly hawking their wares like in the days of snake-oil and gypsies. No offense to the gypsies. Sell, sell, sell. They don’t talk to other people, they don’t listen to other people, all they do all the live-long day is post about their software/books/websites and talk about themselves. That really goes against the whole point of social media which is…INTERACTION.

And then they wonder why no one talks to them, buys their products. DUH. You haven’t made them care. You haven’t connected with other people, can you dig it. You’re just one endless loop of infomercial, social media style. STOP IT. Not only is it ineffective, it’s annoying as hell.

OMG make it stop!

Finally we have those who have an ax to grind.

Who doesn't have one of these lying around needing a good edge? You know, for the Zombie Apocalypse.

I understand being passionate about things that mean a lot to you. Of course I do — have you MET me? But there is a time and a place. I don’t think the 140 characters on Twitter or someone else’s personal page on Facebook is the proper location to express intense amounts of emotion. Get a blog. Like I did.

Although sharing is caring, there is such a thing as WAY too much information. You don’t have the room to express yourself completely, and if you cross the line from a passionate opinion to out-and-out offensiveness or fucktardary on my personal page, you’re getting voted off the island. Sorry.

This looks like a nice island. I think you'll like it here much better.

In any case, in order to be a blooming flower in social media and not the dreaded dandelion or worse yet, the ubiquitous crabgrass, keep these points in mind as you tend your own social media garden:

1. Don’t be a fucktard. Just because you’re behind a monitor and other people are behind theirs does not give you permission to act in such a way to make your mama want to slap you. Behave yourself. Just as you are real behind your monitor with real feelings, the same goes for others.

2. It’s NOT all about you. I know, hard to believe, isn’t it? But try reaching out once in a while, interact with your fans, friends or followers instead of coming across like that dead guy with the OxyClean, okay? You might even sell more stuff that way.

3. Check thyself before thee wrecks thyself. Are you angry? Frustrated? Just step away from the keyboard and go eat a cookie. Think before you speak. The whole wide Intertoobz is watching.

What will they see in your garden?

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3 thoughts on “Tending A Social Media Garden

  1. This is soooo funny, as usual, Netta. Brilliant. I agree some people behave very poorly behind the anonymity of their keyboards, and I’ve seen it in all the forms you’ve mentioned.

    A couple of friends and I talked about “violence in the workplace” the other day over dinner – we should bring it back. Some adults need a good slapping, and I can teach the course! Bad behavior in adults is seldom dealt with properly, especially in the workplace, and I consider my computer as my place of business. All I can do is unfollow, unfriend, or block….but boy oh boy…if I could dole out a few slaps—that’d be SO much more satisfying !


    • Girl, if I could reach through this monitor I’d probably be arrested. Some people seem to think it’s perfectly fine to act badly and do things they’d NEVER do in person. Or, maybe they would. That’s a really scary thought. Heh.


  2. I do love your posts, Netta! Somehow you always manage to express exactly what I’m feeling…

    I rather enjoy the fact I can boot the fools who irritate me (as you said, unlike in the ‘real’ world sometimes) and often keep them with me only for a source of crash-and-burn amusement (horrendous of me but I can be petty like that).

    Lovely post. I’m whistling now… 😉

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